the inner most

why am i at home?
bcos i was rushing projectS.
bcos i have undone cheer stuffs.
bcos i slept, oh ho...rested at 7.20am & hav to prepare at 7.45am.
bcos my head is still hurting.
bcos i stand up seeing patches.
bcos i read in MSword at least 200%.
bcos of gastric pain.
bcos my head is spinning.

why am i not in the HPT?
bcos i wanna finish my FYP ppt with my group.
bcos i wanna spend more time at home 1st.
bcos i'm freaking scared.

have i told my parents?
so sorry but no.

why?
bcos i dont want to make them worry.
bcos i hate making anyone worry for my retardness
bcos i wanna be independent & take care of myself
bcos i really dont want people to know
bcos i dont want anybody to keep asking if i'm alright
bcos i'm scared.
bcos i am a strong girl.

have i told anyone else?
elder sister bcos i need someone 21 years above and related to me for supervision for admittance.
poh bcos he is full of experience with concussions.
larry, justin, xueli, ken bcos i feel they they ought to know; & will take care of the safety in e team.
suhui, bryan bcos they asked?
kyle and melissa bcos i was asking about the claims.
sarah, samantha, angel, peixia, joy, cherylteo, christine, nadiah...do i need to say more?
graham bcos he acc-ed me for e 1st visit.
zhiliang bcos the rest were talking about it in front of him.
mrs keong bcos......she is my coach & there's a hushhush between us.
melvinheng, sharon, kunrong, xiaoni, kinghung...groupmates. & i didnt appear for Technopreneurship PPT this morning.
silas, i dont know why.

& erm, dont assume stuffs. you'll just be making an ASS out of U and ME. I'll tell you if you ask...nono, if I think that i can . & what's my 'think' criteria? "you wont be agitated and think in my shoes why i didnt tell you by myself."

i see a retarded me.

i still went to school eventhough i had 6 days mc, from friday to wednesday. I still wenta work on weekends with 3/4 of the time sitting down. i rush for assignments everyday till wee hours; catching a rest at 2am earliest and i can dont even sleep. i hate year 3. i hate it. i wanna stop working for now but i dare not breathe a word to my aunty cos i'm creating troubles for her. i want to continue working bcos of the damn economic crisis and i dont want to rely on dad for money bcos he himself neesd it to. I pray and plead that mum can stop gambling. I...RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
i love blazers, but sadly, blazers dont. i keep things to myself or walk away bcos i feel that quarrels might surface and i dont think it'll solve anything, but again, nobody knows and instead, i'm seen as a coward. I protect juniors because i rather face the blame than having them to suffer in shoutings, insults and sarcarstic remarks. I've done DAMN loads for Blazers, but does Blazers appreciate? I've sacrificed even my results for Blazers but now i feel that it's a waste. Whatever it is, i love Blazers, i love to Cheer.
And i still have to go back to school to hand in Blazers stuffs before going to the hpt. HAHA.
Once again, i stress that i still LOVE Blazers.

can somebody lend me their lappie later in e hpt, for a day? can somebody accompany me throughout the stay? my sis is working the next morning and i want her to go home and rest instead of staying with me and worrying most of the time.

'STRESS over assignment, life. when will i have a break?? the day i step into my coffin?'
- melvinheng